


Memoirs of a Starlight

by Technomancer28



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Romance, Character Death, Eventual Sirius/Remus - Freeform, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Sirius Black/OMC - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-24
Updated: 2013-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-05 22:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1099420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Technomancer28/pseuds/Technomancer28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius has always loved with all his heart. A tale of Padfoot and Moony, a love that never dies in winter, doesn't always bloom in summer, doesn't change with the leaves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memoirs of a Starlight

1996  
 _~I think I'll miss you forever._  
 _Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky._ ~

  


"What do I do, Prongs?" Sirius asks finally. It's been weeks, weeks that feels like ages and every second that still feel like years. He doesn't understand how, why-just…why them? After all this time, after everything. To think that Remus is not here, that he won't be here, with Sirius. How has his life come to this?

It's unbelievable how wrong, how childish all of them still were despite being over thirty years of age. His fingers tighten around the papers, papers with names of children, documents with names of women; papers with the hope of a new life, a family of theirs. A family that would not exist now.

"Sirius." Harry calls softly and Sirius sees the father and son for the first time since Remus.

Since Remus is gone.

Dead.

And when he looks up at them, he can see the tired lines on his best friend's face and undue stress on his godson's features. He sees a look in James's eyes that he hasn't for a decade and when his best friend of a life time comes closer and wraps his arm around his neck, he shudders with the warmth.

"We're here, Padfoot." James does not shed tears anymore now, "We're here for you."

1981  
 _~So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don't we?~_  


It can be quite a dilemma when it comes to selecting the right bouquet of flowers for someone admitted in a hospital; you cannot have it be too cheerful but at the same time, the colour scheme of the flowers should not be so muted that they suck the life out of the patients they are meant for.

Personally, Sirius prefers sunflowers but a month before June only allows purples and pinks and more shades of pink to be wrapped with sparkling paper complete with silken ribbon bows. Today he buys the fourth one, throws a customary smile at the witch who returns a sympathetic one and tells him to pass on a 'Hello!' to his brother as always. Sirius does no such thing.

He keeps his pace as fast as he can without seeming rushed or as though he cares about his brother. He enters the hospital, ignoring the witches and wizards in various stages of sickness.

"Excuse me." Sirius says loudly, his heart thudding as has become normal during his visits at St. Mungo's for three-and-a-half-weeks now, hoping for some improvement in his brother's condition. "I'm here to see Regulus Black. Ward 49." He adds so that the witch at the reception will please do her job. His foot taps impatiently as he waits for her to scan through her clipboard, chewing pink gum, flicking her hair a little-all the reasons the hospital certainly does not pay her for. He almost makes a jibe at her awful memory when she nods. Sirius is walking away before she can say 'Fourth Floor'.

Sirius elbows his way into the elevator, careful to keep the flowers in his hand from coming in contact with sweaty patients and green-clad healers. He reaches the designated floor and breathes out heavily before seeking out Healer Heather who eventually lets him in to the ward and begins fussing over the flower as she places them on Regulus's bed-side table. The flowers from last week must be withering away with the coming summer in some bin or maybe on some other patient's table, patients who had nobody to visit them.

"Hey, Reg." Sirius says after he has smiled politely at the Healer, yet indicating that he would very much like being left alone with his brother, "So, nothing's new with you, huh, you little snake?" He hears the surprised hitch from the visitor beside him and rolls his eyes. Talking to Regulus is difficult; on the one hand, their communication is one-sided and on the other, the only words between them had been a combination of deadly curses and slightly less-deadlier jinxes for a while now. He decides to tone down the severity of his pet-names anyway, should the neighbouring visitor call for Healer Heather on case of harassment of the ill.

Sirius sighs and still waits for a response from Regulus and is not surprised when he continues staring vacantly ahead of him as if unaware of the world around him. He swallows painfully as his eyes catch the way his eyes are sunken as if he is already forty, his skin paler than last week, and his hair hanging limply against his shoulders. Regulus would have hated how he's become, if he were aware.

He looks around at the white, tranquil ward with its overpowering clinical smell, the patients hidden behind white curtains and feels dejected just by looking at the frosted windows and all of a sudden he feels suffocated in here. This place, this cool, quiet room seems so far away from the world outside where the temperature is rising, away the war even with its victims like Regulus that Sirius wants to leave the silence but at the same time does not want to go back to a best friend who now is forced to worry about his family (Thanks to Remus, Sirius can't help thinking bitterly), dangerous missions that just end up making him feel even more hopeless every time, and then there is also the issue of Remus.

It used to be worrying before when the werewolf would go two weeks, sometimes three without contact when on his confidential missions and Sirius wishes he had numbed already. He hates Remus, really does but his bloody heart just reacts when he is forced to imagine horrible scenarios, all of which either end up in Remus being killed or him feeling at home at Voldemort's side. If only he could have enough faith in him the way James still does.

So what if Remus hasn't contacted anybody, even Dumbledore for over a month now?

_Just goes to show exactly where his loyalties lie_ ; Sirius thinks viciously.

Sirius rubs his face tiredly and decides to go back to the unfinished paperwork lying on his small table at the ministry and turns to Regulus to bid him goodbye until the next Tuesday.

1977  
 _~You're a very special friend to me._  
 _So thank you for smiling during the year and every season._  
You truly are a genuine friend.~  


It is at the end of September, just after they have graduated from Hogwarts that Sirius is finally excited about doing something to distract him from the impending war as him and James gather up the rest of the boys for drinks in celebration of their Auror training.

It is that night when Sirius eyes up this auburn-haired hunk with stubble a few seats away and feels his body get a little hotter when the man sips on his drink and directs a lustful look towards him.

It is also that night when Remus gets properly drunk with them and ends up telling them that he has a choice between living with his parents and on the streets; meaning none.

Sirius, in an impulsive moment offers Remus the spare room which is really not a spare but for him, he will clear out all the useless junk that has accumulated there. Remus tells him he will think about it and Frank slaps his back with a 'No way, mate, better live with the parents than a maniac.'

They laugh but later on, when Sirius has cornered Remus, he relents and says 'Alright, so I'll come around on Tuesday?' And Sirius nods because he kind of wants to get closer to Remus and feel his body against his when he notices the auburn-haired man's eyes on him. He waits for the others to leave before sliding in to the seat beside the man and misses the clenched fists Remus stalks out the door with.

And with Remus moving in there is a new life and new routine and the old set of heartaches is back resulting from having Remus so close yet out of touching distance.

London goes all breezy and brown and golden and Sirius finds himself falling a little more in love with Remus. Remus who smiles at him, brushes knees with him when he gets up from their shared space on the couch in front of the telly, makes decent dinner and is still looking for a job.

There is this morning in November when Sirius wakes up with a pounding headache to find a hangover potion and a glass of water right within the reach of his hand and downs them both, thanking Remus for existing, coming into his life and tolerating him and his 'adventures'. He lies down and swears as he remembers last night's encounter and having ended up unconscious in the club. So he had wanted to have a go at that drag queen, the lipstick really had gotten to him the first time but once they had started-well-Sirius doesn't want to remember him much.

Remus comes in and- _fuck!_ -opens the curtains. It concerns him when Remus is leaving his room without a smile or a pat on the shoulder so he blurts out asking if he thinks any less of him for wanting to get off with too many men. Remus sits with him then and smiles and everything is alright as Remus explains that he will never have to worry about being taken for granted. It is that easy because he trusts Remus.

1981  
 _~If you must leave, Leave as though fire burns under your feet.~_  


There is this tension that flows through Sirius's entire being and somehow he also knows that the rest of them feel it too if the way Lily was throwing glares in his direction is any indication.

Remus is back in one piece; if one piece means fresh angry red scars, a broken arm and a perfectly normal demeanour. It really is a day to be joyous and Sirius with his traitorous heart is actually relieved to see him alive and really hates himself for it.

It would have been better, so much better had Remus not returned. Sirius's mind conjures and yet his insides twitch horribly at the thought because Remus with his hollowed cheekbones-had he lost weight?-and brown eyes, really, how is Sirius supposed to live without somebody he has shared almost all his life and soul?

"So where is Peter, actually?" Remus asks curiously and looks at them for an answer as if he is trying to make Peter's absence seem suspicious somehow. It angers Sirius and his grip on his fork tightens. Fuck! Why had he even thought that this Remus is still the same old Remus?

War changes people. Sirius's mind tells him but is thankfully saved from letting his anger out as James answers.

"He's swamped with work from the Ministry at the moment." He rubs his glasses on his sleeve and puts them back on, "All that paperwork recently."

"Yeah." Sirius suddenly says, looking directly at Remus who is surprised for a fraction of a second at being addressed by him before masking his features, "You know, since all the Death Eater and werewolf attacks that have been going on recently. They've really gone up in number, have you noticed that?" He asks everyone conversationally, his eyes not leaving Remus's face. James's eyes are trained on both of them and Sirius can see Remus gripping his fork tightly before lowering it on his plate and push his chair back to stand up.

"Well, thanks for the lunch, Lily. James." He nods at him and pushes away from the table, "I think I overstayed my welcome."

Immediately Lily stands up too protesting but all James does is look at Sirius and he ignores it in favour of the chicken on his plate that has gone horribly cold and rubbery now. He sees Remus moving towards the hallway to leave in his peripheral vision when the werewolf whips around as Lily grabs hold of his arm.

"No." Sirius can see those beautiful eyes glowing and he's so ragged and he wants to touch him so much, it really is unreal.

"Stop it, alright." Remus says and looks at all three of them, "You don't have to pretend-"

"Remus-" Lily starts but withers under the look he gives her and when he looks up, Sirius feels something crushing his heart because he realises that he is really the one who is responsible for that expression on Remus's face; an expression that he is not sure has a word for it. His entire being is now a mixture of hurt and anger and defeated shoulders but he straightens himself and looks them in the eye furiously and Sirius can't help but feel a little proud of him. He is reminded of the boy Remus started to be in their later years at Hogwarts.

"It's not like Sirius is the only one who believes that I've gone over to the dark side. It makes sense, I guess Moody's done his job well." He throws that at Sirius with an almost-sneer and Sirius, despite the situation wants to laugh. This was not how things were supposed to go. Remus was supposed to feel the need to explain everything, all of the truth, the truth where he would admit that he was in fact not a follower of Voldemort.

"Moony." It is James who speaks up finally, "I don't know about Sirius, but I know you-" He looks at Lily, "-You would never hurt any of us." There is a tense silence where everyone is looking at Remus and he in turn is locked in a staring contest with James when Harry's sudden cry from his room breaks the moment and Remus leaves without saying good-bye.

Sirius follows after the werewolf to avoid the death-glares from Lily and disappointment on James's face. In angry strides he reaches Remus's room to find him throwing everything he owns into a duffel bag.

"Oh, look at that." Sirius exclaims loudly, "The big bad wolf running away." Remus does not even look at him, continuing to pack but the tense line of his shoulder is visible and Sirius has always been good at doing the wrong things at the wrong time.

"What, not gonna tear into me? I'm good-looking, and young. Aren't we supposed to taste better than some-"

"Stop it, Sirius." Remus's controlled voice sends an excited chill down his spine and Sirius grins at his next words, "You don't know what you're doing."

"Oh yeah?" Sirius walks up to Remus, his body jittering in anticipation; he knows this, he has seen this Remus only once in Sixth Year and this Remus is ready for a fight. "A compassionate werewolf? Look at that, isn't this the day-" He has barely a moment to dodge the incoming hit but now that the fire is settled in Remus's eyes, Sirius does not hold back.

At the end of their scuffle, Remus has pinned him to the floor, readying his fist but he ends up punching into the floor beside Sirius's head. They are both panting and things are already so terribly bad between them that Sirius honestly believes that nothing in the world can make things worse.

Which is why as Remus brings up his bruised hand to clutch at Sirius's shirt, he frees a hand from the werewolf's loose grip and reaching up pulls his head down for a kiss. The moment their lips touch, Sirius doesn't know who gasps like the air has been knocked out of them or like their entire body is made of thousands of fireworks but what he does know is this is his only chance.

It gets even better when Remus himself responds to the deepening kiss and their lower bodies rub against each other. Sirius can feel the shudder in the werewolf's body and the trembling of his own hands; he realises what this could mean and that scares him more than anything else because…

Remus pushes away, lips red, eyes dark and shock marring his features. He then stands up speedily, grabs the leftover clothes, zips his bag and practically dashes away in a matter of seconds.

The bang of the front door closing brings Sirius back and he blinks up at the ceiling. His hand automatically comes up to brush his lips that tingle. It is so incredible that after five years of thinking of this moment…he shakes his head and sits up and as he does, his canine senses immediately notice the lack of Remus's scent.

As he looks around the messy house minus Remus's flung over shirt or a lost sock, something in him shatters a little because it really feels like the end of Padfoot and Moony when they never even got a chance to be more than that but he is relieved at the same time. If Remus can run away from them, so can he.

  
__

~My life  
 _You electrify my life_  
Let's conspire to ignite  
 _All the souls that would die just to feel alive._ ~

It happens suddenly as the attacks are wont to do these days, except that no one had expected Death Eaters to come out in the light of the day and murder an important family of purebloods like the McKinnons.

Sirius heads into the fight with James at his side leaving Frank to send off signals and emergency radio calls for backup. Their masked opponents are mostly trying to avoid any more damage and make their escape before too many Aurors show up although far too many of them were dispatched around the borders or Albania. It is when Sirius hears a familiar cackle that he adorns a manic grin knowing just who is behind that hood and this fight is his.

It isn't until he somehow throws hexes, deflects curses and reaches Bellatrix that he sees a familiar shock of red hair nearby and reels in fear as he spots Remus with her, battling intensely. It is that moment when Bellatrix sees Sirius and sends an unknown jinx his way. He dodges the first and fires back until they are locked in a fight of unknown curses.

Suddenly he steps back and feels something hit his leg and he loses his balance as a jet of yellow is aimed at him. What he does not expect is Remus's body barreling into his and deflecting the shot in the last minute and take the brunt of the powerful curse as he is thrown back.

No…No! Sirius lets out an angered cry and reacts, casting hexes madly. Then almost as if planned, the death Eaters hiss, some cry out, some clutch their left arms and then begin Disapparating. Sirius can hear Frank's shouts, asking them to detain the Death Eaters but he is already pushing his way and hurrying to where Remus is standing up, clutching his head from where blood is freely flowing.

"I'm fine, it's nothing." Remus tells him as soon as he reaches out his hand unconsciously to touch the gash. Sirius scoffs and looks for Lily and finds her already performing healing spells on James and another trainee.

"It's not nothing." Sirius tells him and motions for Lily to come over and looks directly at Remus in the eyes for the first time in weeks and is grabbed by a want to wrap his arms around Remus because…

"It's not a big deal, let's not make it one." Remus says as if reading his mind and rolls his eyes as Lily starts fussing over his injury. Sirius is not listening though because Remus had saved him, Remus just risked himself for him. After everything…why?

It's the blood and gore that are carried out of the house that bring Sirius back to reality and although he has seen too much of the war already, this however makes his knees weak. He hears Lily's gasp and Peter's squeak and is glad that he is not the only one affected by the mess of bodies-no doubt Bellatrix's work-and the hovering Dark Mark in the dying rays of the sun. The world doesn't look so beautiful anymore.

Lily goes home and somehow James manages to gather the four of them and they are all walking, wary but alert, led by James with Sirius at his side. It is the four of them, the Marauders, almost a relic of the past now and Sirius feels something move in him; it is one of those feelings that make his throat ache. They do not look back as they reach the clean park that is already silent and void of people.

James takes his place on the grass and lies down with his arms tucked behind his head, a strange smile on his face. The rest of them take his lead without questions as though doing so will break the tranquil atmosphere around them. Sirius finds himself between James and Peter with Remus on Peter's other side, there is a moment of disappointment with their arrangement but then James clears his throat.

"We're alive." He says and all three of them turn their heads towards him. His voice takes on an anguished edge, "That could have been us. Today-"

"Prongs-" Sirius starts but James overrides him with a fierce look at all of them as he sits up. The leftover sun rays hit the side of his face and he looks all hard angles and determination. In another time and place, Sirius muses, he might have fallen for James Potter; his best friend really grew up a good looking bloke.

"It could have been us." James repeats, "Harry and Lily. Or Wormtail and his siblings. Padfoot or Moony."

"And my parents." Remus adds softly, looking up at the purple-orange sky. Sirius's heart lurches a little at the thought that Remus could have died. He does not want to be melancholy, there has been too much of it for months now so he too sits up and plucks a blade of grass to chew on it.

"Yeah, but it wasn't." He replies, "It could have been. But we're here." He makes sure to look at all of them, "We're alive. The four of us." He almost feels like James when he says that but he means it. Remus's eyes are intense, Peter's are wide as if scared but determined as they have been since the war began taking people they knew and James's for once are full of a genuine laughter. He feels himself wanting to smile when Remus's words distract him.

"The invincible Marauders, eh?" He smiles and Sirius can see the hint of make-believe in those eyes but he realises that that's all they are good for anymore; make-believe.

"Yeah." James replies and they are all quiet as they feel their possibly-limited heartbeats, shirts clinging to their back as the last vestiges of summer finally seem to pass with vengeance. For a while they are fifteen again, worrying about girls, a boy and pranks.

The world is moving on but they are here, alive and real in the present.

1996  
 _~Got my bad baby by my heavenly side_  
 _I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight.~_  


It is distracting, the noises of traffic and muggles going about; Sirius is thankful for the relative normalcy of the muggle world. He concentrates on the road and swerving and veering when needed and does not think about James and his family of four or Remus.

The wind whipping his hair back has gotten colder since the last time Sirius rode his bike. At the time he had had Remus's arms tight around him and they had been going to one of the regular clubs for a night out. And just like that the peace is shattered and the bike ride feels useless and lonesome.

Teddy. The circled word in the documents move around in his head dizzyingly and he almost runs over a bold teenaged girl who then shouts at him to 'watch where he is going'. He hadn't known how serious Remus had been, how much he had wanted that family, how far he had gone in search of a child.

A baby, it said in the papers, he hasn't been born yet-Teddy that is. It still hasn't sunk in, just what Remus had wanted with him but what he knows is that Remus had met this woman, possibly even talked to her about a point-zero-three possibility of adoption of her baby.

The screech of tires come too late and Sirius is thrown to the side of the road along with his bike. It happens so fast that all Sirius ends up thinking is shit.

He wakes up to a world of agony and familiar shouts and white. He is also paralysed.

"Sirius. Padfoot, it's me. Harry." Sirius, in panic manages to turn his head barely but Harry himself comes over, worry and distress visible on his features.

"Wuss wrong? Why can't-" He begins coughing and Harry grabs the glass of water on the table and helps him drink it all up.

"It's temporary." Harry answers the unasked question, "The drugs. The doctor said you'll be able to move in a few hours." Relief courses through him.

"Oh, hey dad. He's awake." Sirius hears shuffling and James takes his son's place as he sits on the chair beside his bed; he barely hears the 'I'll tell the doctor' as Harry leaves the ward.

"James-"

"What were you thinking?" James asks in a hard tone and Sirius can see the anger but most of all, he can see the panic and hurt and feels so terribly guilty for causing it.

"I wasn't." He admits, "I wasn't planning on an accident, you know." He tries joking but James does not crack a smile and Sirius remains quiet before answering.

"I don't really want to die." He tells James, "But I-" His voice breaks and James's features soften as he reaches out to touch his friend.

"I know. That's why we're here, okay?" Sirius is thankful for James as he passes out just as he catches sight of Lily's bright hair entering the ward.

1981  
 _~No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.~_  


"I didn't think I'd live to see this." Remus says unexpectedly as he exhales a gust of smoke into the winter-white air and joins Sirius on the Potter's balcony. Sirius turns to look at the werewolf, all wrapped up in cloaks and a scarf of wine red, a Christmas present from Lily. His heart does this little flip which had stopped for a while but is now back and insistent on being that way around Remus.

"Yeah, well." He looks away from Remus and crushes his own cigarette under his boot, "Lucky us, I suppose." Remus hmm-s in response and continues smoking. He doesn't look like the boy who had just left Hogwarts anymore but he doesn't look as shabby and tired as the Remus during the war either.

"I like the hair." Remus tells him easily and Sirius cannot help but reach a hand up to touch his hair that has grown past his ears and tickles the back of his neck.

"Thanks." He says a little self-consciously. Had talking to Remus always been this awkward? Even during the war, it hadn't been like this. "You're starting to look much better." He cringes inwardly at his choice of words but Remus seems to be amused as he chuckles. It has been so long since they had had a chance to just meet and talk like this, that all Sirius wants to do is look and look at Remus, and remember Remus the way he used to be.

Now that you know Remus is innocent. Sirius ignores his inner voice and instead asks Remus what he has been meaning to since the Longbottoms died leaving Neville in his grandmother's care.

"Did you ever see it coming?" Remus turns to him with a questioning look, "Pete-Pettigrew." Sirius catches himself from calling that traitorous bastard by a name that used to signify a friend long ago.

"Me? Really, Sirius." Remus is shaking his head and stubbing out his cigarette.

"Yeah, I just thought-" Sirius begins and Remus surprisingly interrupts.

"Thought what exactly? Some kind of 'animal' instinct?" Sirius is taken aback by the sneer and Remus stalks back inside. Sirius's voice rises at Remus's sudden change in attitude.

"Remus! Moony!" When Remus does not stop, he follows the werewolf in a few strides and grabs him by the arm, "Stop, okay? I'm not the enemy." Remus whips his gaze towards him and if looks could kill, Sirius would have been dead, resurrected and dead again.

"Really? Is that how it is, now that Peter's in Azkaban?" Remus growls, "Sirius, you will let go of me now, if you don't want me to hit you." There is a moment when they glare at each other but Sirius does let go because Remus is right, like always. He steps back and tries a nicer approach.

"Come on out again." He sees Remus about to protest and adds, "Please." Remus nods at that and they return to the balcony which seems whiter now.

"Snowflakes." Remus says in a neutral voice and looks up for a second and Sirius is forced to see the beauty of this new, hardened Remus stark against the white snow. The moment ends when Remus looks back at him, with walls pulled up behind his irises.

"You know I didn't mean anything by it, Moon-Remus. Moony." Sirius hopes Remus is okay with him calling him by his nickname and hopes to all deities above that he does not mess this up.

"Did I?" Remus replies, "I'm sorry, Sirius but after everything we went through, do you honestly expect me to trust you?" Sirius feels cornered and it hurts so badly when Remus puts it that way that he almost does what he always does; shout and rage about.

"No." He says instead and the word feels like defeat on his tongue. He needs a smoke. He begins rummaging through his pockets when Remus reaches out a hand and the tips of his fingers touch Sirius's cheek, just below his eyes and Sirius freezes.

"Snowflake." Remus murmurs before moving his hand over to somewhere in his black hair and tugging at a strand, "Maybe we really should go inside. Come on." When Sirius makes no move to follow Remus through the door, the werewolf steps back out.

"You know I didn't. Nobody saw it, Padfoot. He was our friend." Remus tells him and again plucks a snowflake from the bridge of Sirius's nose this time with a small laugh. "They seem to have a thing for you." He says easily as he traces a finger down the long, straight nose and heat blooms in Sirius's cheeks as he realises how close they are and that Remus has called him Padfoot and touched him willingly. Twice. More than twice. They skirt around their kiss.

"Yeah, let's go in. Don't need a sneezy big bad wolf on Christmas day. Merlin! Grumpy wolves are really something else, you know." With a cheeky grin and a swat on his arm from Remus, the duo leaves the outside world behind and into the warmth of celebration.

1982  
 _~You're so hypnotizing,_  
Could you be the devil? Could you be an angel?~  


Everything is going well, at least as well things are supposed to be hardly three months after the end of one of the most gruesome wars of history. Sirius nurses his whiskey and ignores the red-haired man with his lip piercing as he takes a seat beside him and has the audacity to pat his thigh. He motions to the bartender for another drink; nothing is going according to plan, he does not find anybody who does not look like Remus and seems interesting enough.

It is when he hears an apologetic voice from his left, pleading with the bartender to put his orders on tab because his wallet has been stolen. It is such a rookie lie that Sirius turns to look at the idiot and it turns out to be the only other person apart from Remus or Stubby Boardman who brings his stomach all the way to the floor.

It's almost as if he is being controlled by his body and Sirius ends up playing knight in the shining armour to the lean young man who is slightly taller than Sirius but when he turns his blue eyes on him, Sirius is struck and it is the start of a new relationship. Even Sirius can feel it when they shake hands and the man-Adam-tugs at his own brown hair a little shyly.

  
__

~Kiss me, ki-ki-kiss me.  
 _Infect me with your love and_  
 _Fill me with your poison.~_  


Adam also turns out to be a world class bastard and Sirius only finds this out three months into their relationship. Apparently when Remus had told Sirius to be careful of him, it hadn't been just jealousy.

Fuck! Of all the bloody, stupid decisions of his life…shit! He dabs at the split lip and winces, at least he had given Adam one too, to match his. He laughs somewhat maniacally before rubbing a hand on his face. So this is it? His wonderful boyfriend is not so wonderful after all and just when he had started to get over Remus too.

But did you really? Sirius kicks the thought away mentally and stiffens when he hears the bathroom door open wide and Adam is there looking like all the world has turned him away.

"Sirius." He says softly and Sirius turns on his heel to push past him and out but Adam blocks the doorway. "Please, I'm sorry. I'm so so-"

"Sorry?" Sirius exclaims incredulously, "Are you fucking with me? You can't hit me and-"

"I know." Adam interrupts, his eyes watering up, "But I am, don't leave. Just…" His voice trails off and Sirius takes his chance to push past him to pack his bag. So much for staying the night at his 'boyfriend's'.

"Sirius." He is starting to sound panicked now but Sirius has never taken it from his parents and he is not going to take it from a man who can't even explain his own actions.

"What?" Sirius turns to him and gives him his full attention for a few seconds. When he doesn't respond, Sirius scoffs and pulls his bag up. Only a moment later Adam speaks up.

"I'm sorry. I was…seeing you with him makes me mad." Sirius frowns at that. Seeing what?

"Who-"

"Lupin." Adam answers viciously, "I'm sorry, I know he is your friend but he's-he is-you don't know the way he looks at you." Sirius squashes down the somersault his heart performs at that. Remus looks at him...how exactly.

"It's disgusting!" Adam's voice rings out as he punches the door way he is standing in, "I hate it. I hate it. I HATE IT!" Alarm bells ring in Sirius's head as Adam begins punching repeatedly at the woodwork.

"Adam. STOP!" He stops, out of breath; he is a mess of tears and bloody knuckles and Sirius is in front of him in a flash. "Adam, I'm here. Listen to me. Look at me, bloody hell!" Adam swallows and looks up at him in his slumped position. Sirius reaches out and cradles his face in his hand.

"Remus is my friend, Adam." _And straight_ , his mind adds as he remembers _her_.

"I don't care how he looks at me." He places the tip of his index on Adam's lip when he is about to protest, "I want you. I'm here. With you. Don't you get it?" Adam sniffles a little and Sirius sighs before leaning in and kissing the corner of his lip.

"You and me? Just us?" Adam asks, training those intense blue eyes on him and Sirius rests his forehead against his.

"Yeah. It's you and me, alright?" He whispers, keeping a firm grip on both his arms; somehow it seems odd that he is unconsciously afraid of him but he realises that much later.

__

~Are you ready for a perfect storm  
 _Cause once you're mine_  
There's no goin' back.~  


Sirius drags his nails down Adam's back as payback but it is really a terrible choice; he really should have just let Adam fuck him and leave. He bites his lip at the bruising hold on his wrists.

"Sorry." He says to placate him but Adam is out to prove a point and Sirius can feel it being etched into his hip as five crescents of fingernails. Adam leans down as he thrusts much too hard into him.

"Mine. You're mine. Only mine." Sirius concentrates on those blue eyes that are now just a pair of eyes rather than something magical, he hates him so very much. His wand is right under the bed; now to just reach it.

"Yeah." Sirius plays along for the first and last time; the bastard is never getting a chance to do this ever again.

"Not the brat's…ah-and not-not Potter." Sirius closes his eyes so as not to death-stare the man, "O-or Lupin. Say it." He feels the hand on his hip come up to his throat and he opens his eyes.

"Never." Sirius marvels at the ease with which he does this, perhaps he should have gone off to Hollywood, he muses inwardly.

As soon as Adam groans out his completion and loosens his grip on Sirius, he pushes him off with everything he has and in a flash grabs his wand but Adam, although a muggle is hardly stupid and in the struggle, Sirius's wand goes flying out of his hand. However when he sees the fist coming his way, he lets out an enraged cry of his own and kicks out to buy just a few seconds. It works and Sirius does not hesitate to roll out of the bed, tangled in the sheets but his fingers wrap around his wand and he feels the magic; he feels himself being back to the Sirius bloody Black.

Adam looks murderous but Sirius remedies that with a body-binding curse and Merlin, it is so satisfying to see fear creep into those eyes. What the hell had he seen in this bastard that had made him the next best thing to Remus that night five months ago?

"So." Sirius twirls his wand around summoning a cigarette from his pocket and lights it with the tip of his wand. "I'm thinking, whatever should I do with you, hmm? Maybe Crucio you, do you know what that is? Oh!" He grins, "No, you wouldn't. But take a guess, seriously."

"What the hell are you?" Adam asks finally as his eyes move from the wand to glare at Sirius and the Animagus takes a drag before answering.

"A wizard-"

"Bullshit! The hell-arwh-erh-" Sirius shuts him up with a Tongue-tying curse before summoning his clothes and putting them on.

"You talk too much." Sirius told him cheerily as he squatted down on a knee in front of the man and exhales a gust of smoke into his face, "So tell me, what I should do with you? I could make you do as I wish. Evvverything." He taps his eye that is no doubt blackening now, "Or I could hurt you and believe me, the pain is unimaginable. Tell me something, have you ever been stabbed?" Adam shakes his head and Sirius removes the Tongue-tying curse. "Tell me."

"No." The brunette barely managed before eyeing the wand, "I'm going to complain, you know I can go to the police." Sirius looks at him coldly.

"Is that right? I'm sorry, but are you blind? You're not in charge anymore." Sirius smiles dangerously before raising his wand. At that moment a silver falcon flies into the room and speaks in Remus's voice.

"Padfoot, where are you? Harry's going mad, as am I." There is a deep breath, "Babysitting a toddler is just too much work for a wolf, get here fast. Please." The Patronus vanishes and Sirius lowers his wand as he feels the fight and rage ebbing away at Remus's soothing voice.

"What-" Adam starts but Sirius is up and leaving in a second, "What? You can't leave me here like this, Sirius. I'll come for you. I swear I will." Sirius rolls his eyes, then.

"It's Lupin, isn't it? And the little brat. I swear to God, I'll kill-" Sirius whirls around, eyes flashing, wand raised.

"Don't. You. Dare." He says softly with gritted teeth, "And you're a bastard, McKain. God doesn't care." He raises his wand and Adam's eyes widen in fear.

  
__

  
~ And I'll never let you go  
 _If you promise not to fade away_  
Never fade away.~  


"Why are you here?" Sirius tries to hide the black eye that he had just been in the process of Glamour charming. Remus forces his way into the bathroom and grabs hold of Sirius's face. "Rem-"

"Shut up." The werewolf says harshly as he traces his face to find a healing scratch and when Sirius tries to push him away, his wrist comes into view from under the full sleeves. Remus's expression is thunderous.

"He did this." It isn't a question and Sirius shrugs.

"It's alright, it's over now. I don't care anymore." And saying the words feel so good that he can't help but laugh a little but he feels Remus's hands tighten like vice on his forearms. "Remus. Moony." Remus snaps out and Sirius wonders just what methods he had been fantasizing of employing on Adam McKain.

"Really?" Remus asks, letting go of him, "He's going to come looking for you. And I can't guarantee his safety, Sirius." Sirius shuffles a little to create some space between them, Remus is standing far too close.

"Yeah well. He won't come for me." Surprisingly, it is actually relieving to think so.

"How do you know that, Sirius?" Remus asks, disbelief tinging his tone, "He's crazy, he's-"

"He doesn't remember anything, okay?" Sirius snaps and closes his mouth as Remus looks at him with his eyebrows raised.

"I'm sorry?" Sirius looks at the werewolf's slightly tilted head, he is…so lovable.

"I erased them. His memories; he won't remember anything about us. Or anything to do with me." It is a little saddening when Sirius thinks of the first days, it had been so different back then and he had been so genuinely in like with the brown-haired man and his quirky muggle-ness.

"It must be hard. At least a little." Remus tries but Sirius shakes his head.

"You were right. He was bad for me." Sirius's smile is melancholic, "I should have known, all that charm and good looks. Guys like him…fuck, they're crazy."

"Well." Remus says with an amused smile, "You're all good looks and charm too but you're nothing like him. Although I have to agree about the crazy bit." They look at each other and then they are laughing and Sirius looks at Remus, wonders how lucky he is to end up with a friend like him.

"But how are you here? I thought you were taking care of Harry." He says once they straighten up and somehow are closer to each other but Remus does not seem to mind it so Sirius doesn't say anything.

"James and Lily had an early night and you were so late." Remus chews on his lip, distracting Sirius from the conversation as he has a sudden urge to nibble on the pale pink flesh.

"…So I came to check on you, and here you are." Sirius looks up as Remus stops talking.

"Oh. Oh yeah, That's great. No, wait." Sirius clears his head of images of him and Remus kissing, "You were supposed to be out with her." Remus shrugs nonchalantly.

"Well, I was a little more worried about my friend being made into minced meat." He replies and Sirius can't help the way his insides dance.

"You can still go, you know. I'm alright." Remus however doesn't even acknowledge this as he takes hold of his chin and raises his wand. "Remus." He tries once more.

"Sirius. Shut. Up." Remus tells him in that professor-ly tone as he brings his face closer to examine his eye, "I'm here and I'm not going." Sirius swallows as he feels Remus's body against his and he exhales. He is sure Remus can feel his growing hardness but thankfully he does not mention it as he continues to heal him.

"What if I'd gone too far? What if I'd been in love with him and let him do as he wanted?" Sirius ends up asking to break the silence, "Would you, would you have given up on me?" Remus looks at him for a second before answering.

"Never." He tells him fiercely, "Our friendship? We didn't let go before, we're still here. I'm not letting you go now." And Sirius thinks maybe Remus means more than he is letting on but doesn't question it as Remus leans a little closer before they leave to order takeout.

  


  
_~You don't want to hurt me,_   
_But see how deep the bullet lies._   
_Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder._   
_There is thunder in our hearts, baby.~_   


There are far too many moments and missed opportunities, Sirius knows and remembers. But with Remus, he's been playing the waiting game for so long, he honestly thinks he should just do what he does best; act before thinking.

And look where that has got you? Sirius sighs before pouring coffee in his 'Best Dad' mug- a gag gift from Remus because apparently, he spoiled Harry and spent way more time with him than his own father.

He can hear Remus's footfalls and curses as he no doubt had hit his toe against the bed. Sirius smirks at his clever handiwork, it is funny that Remus hadn't yet figured out that the leg of the bed is jinxed to trip him every morning.

It is his little present to Remus for moving out in the first place. Well, hey, at least he is nice, he makes tea just the way Remus likes it every morning before he leaves for work as a present for moving in and giving him new live wank material. Never mind that he 'accidentally' barges into the bathroom during Remus's shower time at least twice a week.

Remus emerges from his room with a yawn, his brown hair tousled as he automatically pours his cup of tea from the pot Sirius has readied; he's had a long night out with the bubbly, fair-haired girl of nineteen.

"Rough night, eh?" Sirius asks conversationally and Remus sips his tea as Sirius takes out the box of chocolate pastries from the fridge-a little something for the sweet young librarian living with the long-haired rogue, with love from flat 102.

"You have no idea. Thanks." Remus fishes out a piece of the cake and Sirius takes long sips of his coffee as he leans back comfortably, pondering on how to spend their Saturday. Together. Since he has decided to take things into his own hand anyway, he cannot help noticing that Remus has lately been spending way too much time with _her_.

"Oi! The phone, Sirius!" Remus's shout snaps him out of his trance and he ends up tilting his coffee mug dangerously. Sirius hisses and stands as the hot liquid makes its way down his stomach and he mutters a string of expletives as he holds his tee-shirt by the front as the phone continues ringing.

"Sirius, take it off." Sirius blinks to find Remus beside him with the cooling salve from the fridge. He obeys immediately as he carefully removes the tee-shirt so as not to let the coffee touch his hair or face.

"Stupidfuckin-OWW! Merlin! Warn a bloke, would you?" Sirius is still breathing angrily at the coffee when Remus gives him a condescending look before applying the soothing salve on his stomach. Sirius grips the back of his chair and swallows; he can do this. He can not jump Remus when he is touching his bare skin so willingly and are the cooling charms around the house failing or what?

Somewhere in the house Sirius realises the phone has stopped ringing and how long has Remus been doing what he is doing? Because having Remus's hand so close to his controlled erection is bound to have terrible or just really wonderful results depending on the progress of things.

"Moony." Oh! Merlin! Did his voice have to take on that suggestive pitch now? He clears his throat, "It's, uh, I suppose that's enough, is it? Unless you want to keep doing this?" He tries but somehow the look Remus directs at him as if thinking about his words makes him shut up and stand still. A second later Remus steps back and Sirius snaps as he takes a step closer and takes a firm hold of Remus's hand.

"Moony." He whispers and steps closer still to the werewolf, hardly breathing for fear of sending Remus running the other direction. He moves his fine-boned fingers slowly until they are interlocked with the werewolf's and brings their joined fist close to his lips.

"It's okay." He whispers as he places soft kisses on each knuckle, all the while keeping his gaze locked with Remus's that was wide and unsure. Just a little. "It's alright." He says and Remus gives in.

Sirius is ready for Remus and wraps an arm around him tight while holding his hair by the other. Remus kisses like the wolf, hungry and desperate and Sirius has no problem giving it to him. But there is a softness of Remus in the kiss too, like he is scared so he tilts his head to fit their mouths perfectly and aligns their bodies as Remus pushes him back against the table.

Sirius breathes in as they shift their mouths for a moment and realises that he is probably lying in the puddle of spilled coffee but then Remus kisses him again and Sirius stops caring about anything else. Remus's exploratory hands are all over his bare front and he grimaces a little at the salve but then Sirius arches his neck and the werewolf leans forward to suck on it.

Sirius lets out a groan; nobody had ever done it like this and the anticipation of the resulting hickeys makes Sirius tug Remus's lower body by the loops of his jeans. The noise Remus makes when their erections rub against each other through the clothes is worth having coffee and sugar in his hair because, Merlin. If this is how he sounds without having even started…

"Fuck!" Remus lets out as his eyes squeeze shut when Sirius slips a hand under his tee-shirt and circles a nipple. He pushes harder against Sirius as if begging for relief and Sirius, not in the mood for teasing, pulls away Remus by the hair and sits up on the table. He gets to worry about his wet hair touching his shoulder for a moment and then Remus brings their mouths together again. Sirius reaches a hand between them and unzips the fly of Remus's jeans. Remus bats Sirius's hand away when he is about to do the same to his own and instead does it for him.

They are hot, so hot and feverish and frantically rubbing against each other to complete. Sirius hooks a leg around Remus so that every part of them is touching and looks down, mesmerised by the pace with which Remus grips and rubs them together. It takes just a second more; a look into each other's eyes just before they kiss messily and hungrily and then Sirius is arching his back as he holds on to Remus for support, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. He feels Remus's head collapse onto his shoulder and he raises his hand to stroke the golden brown strands.

However Remus steps back, with a shocked look and Sirius knows he is going to want to run away again.

"Moony. Don't." He says and tucks himself in immediately before Remus is finished. He gets up and is about to grab Remus by the arm when the werewolf steps back.

"No." Remus looks scared, cornered. "I'm not. I'm not gay." Sirius freezes at that. Of all the bloody things to say.

"You're not gay? Not gay?" Sirius lets out a crazed laugh and his voice keeps rising, "You're kidding me, right? Gay or not, it doesn't matter." He ends up shouting.

"Of course it does." Remus shouts out to match his tone, "I have a girlfriend, I can't-" Sirius barks out a laugh.

"What? That fluff-headed woman?" Sirius can see Remus's eyes flare at that, "She's a child, Remus. And what do you do? Imagine it's me when you get off with _her_?" Sirius cannot help it because it is so crystal clear just how much Remus wants him and if he thinks about it now, it has been this way for a long time now.

"Shut up, Sirius." Remus snaps then takes a collective breath, "Just…I'm going." Sirius frowns at that.

"Where?" He asks, dreading the answer already.

"I promised her I would help her with some English. I won't be back tonight so… There's takeout in the-"

"Yeah. I know." Sirius snaps and Remus glares at him for a second before leaving and Sirius realises that this is not a game anymore, it is so very serious and he hadn't even noticed.

1997  
 _~I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon_  
 _And I'm aiming right at you_  
 _Two hundred fifty thousand miles on a clear night in June_  
 _And I'm so lost without you.~_  


Sirius nervously cradles the coffee cup in his hand as he looks at the young girl explaining just why she wanted to keep the baby. Sirius thinks, maybe if she hadn't been allowed to choose a name for her unborn baby, she may have just given it up for adoption.

She tells him that Remus had been such a sweet young man, and so hopeful but he hadn't been sure because he hadn't yet talked to his partner about it. But oh, he had wanted to be a father so much. Sirius gulps down the coffee to keep his emotions in check. He asks if he can visit her just once, when she goes into labour. Surprisingly, she says yes without hesitation.

It is a cold January morning when the girl goes into labour and Sirius has to wait for hours before he can see the baby. Lily is there with him and they don't speak. At all.

When Sirius finally is allowed to hold the baby, it's a boy-Teddy, the girl whispers and Sirius nods because he already knows, he finds that it is so very different from holding Harry or Violet.

He kisses the girl's forehead, wishes her a good life ahead and exits the ward with Lily behind him. They don't talk as she drives them home and she doesn't say anything when he puts on his sunglasses.

He cannot stop the silent tears because he doesn't remember anything feeling as right as the moment when Teddy had wrapped his little fingers around his index.

1982  
 _~Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.~_  


Sirius lets out a stream of bubbles from the tip of his wand as Harry keeps popping them and bursts into disjointed words and giggles. He can hear Lily's murmurs from the kitchen as she prepares the Christmas dinner and James's voice on the telephone. Remus is not coming for dinner tonight.

So much has changed since last year and yet, they are still the same, there is Padfoot, Moony and Prongs and Padfoot and Moony are nothing more than friends. Sirius smiles cynically as he lowers his wand tiredly. This is how it will always be, because there is a pink haired woman in Remus's life and because he cares. Better lose him to a woman that to lose him altogether.

Which is why it surprises everyone in the household when Harry looks over Sirius's shoulder and calls out 'Moon!' Sirius turns around to see a disheveled looking Remus staring down at him with a look that he hasn't seen since 'the coffee incident' as he had aptly named it.

"Moon-" He starts.

"I didn't love her." Remus cuts him off and Sirius stares at the werewolf, "She asked me if I would marry her five years later. I couldn't say yes." Before Sirius can process the clipped words Remus kneels down to his level and he can feel his heart practically running around in his chest. "Do you know why?"

"No." Sirius answers, eyes still wide and unblinking. Harry makes a gurgling sound and Sirius spares a glance to make sure that he is not in immediate danger before he is back to looking straight at Remus. "Why?" He asks and Remus scowls.

"You tell me why, Sirius. Just take a bloody guess." Remus sounds annoyed but sure and Sirius tells his heart to not fly around like that, squashes down the bits of hope making their way into his being.

"Can 't." He replies, "I might die if I'm wrong." Remus lets out a chuckle of disbelief before he reaches out and cradles Sirius's face in both his hands. Sirius ends up casting his eyes downwards as their foreheads touch and their breathing becomes ragged.

"Padfoot, I-"

"Oi! You two, my son is here." James's rebuke makes Sirius reel back but he finds himself unable to as Remus continues holding him in place tightly.

"I know." The werewolf replies and then places a brief kiss on his lips before letting go of Sirius's face as he turns to James, "Which is why we aren't shagging on your carpet already."

James slaps his forehead and Sirius tunes them out as his fingers touch his lips and a smile spreads across his face. Next second Remus is pulling him up by the hand and they are floo-ing away to their flat.

As soon as they land, Remus makes the first move and they kiss freely, passionately and in love like never before. Sirius feels like he will burst with all the love for this man. They slow down and pause to breathe. He looks down at Remus who has his eyes shielded with his hair and fears for a second. Then Remus looks up at him with slightly pink cheeks and eyes that are slightly more watery than usual.

"Sirius. Padfoot." His voice is shaky but his arms around Sirius are sure in their hold so Sirius doesn't worry so much. "I-I'm scared." He admits, "I don't know what I'm doing-" Sirius leans down to kiss just below his left eye.

"It's okay." He says softly, "We'll figure it out, okay."

"Together?" Remus asks and Sirius grins.

"I think so." He replies and leans in for a kiss.

1996  
 _~Sweetheart what have you done to us?_  
 _I turned my back and you turned to dust  
What have you done?~_  


"No, I'm bloody well not going to sit here when my children are out there." Lily has gone fanatic and Sirius can understand why. He himself has been pacing ever since Snape floo-ed in to tell them about Harry and Violet running off into the Ministry with Neville and some other students.

"Why can't these children be friends with some normal students?" Molly comments.

"He needs to stop chasing trouble is what he needs, those kids." Moody growls and Sirius rolls his eyes but it is Remus who answers.

"Maybe so but trouble tends to follow him too. It's hardly the children's fault." He says and right then they get the signal to leave for the Ministry.

The moment they enter the Department of Mysteries there is hardly a moment to take in the horrific scene with injured teenagers and Death Eaters looming over with raised wands. Sirius's blood boils as he spots Bellatrix standing over Harry and he charges in with James in her direction. The darkened area is now suddenly alight with curses and spells flying in every direction as the Order members fight the Death Eaters.

Then suddenly Sirius hears a familiar voice disarming Ginny and he whirls around to see the thin, ragged man with watery eyes. He is not the only one, he realises as James whispers 'Wormtail' beside him in shock and he sees Remus disarming Lucius before turning his wolf-yellow eyes in the rat-animagus's direction.

Sirius becomes unaware of the rest of the battle as the four of them are once again together, fighting on the same ground, on different sides. It is the four of them, reunited as the Marauders in the worst possible way. It hasn't been Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs in a decade…

Suddenly he hears a mad cackle and snaps out of his stage as James charges towards Wormtail and he whirls around to see Bellatrix dueling Remus. He grins madly as adrenaline fuels his system again; Bella was in for a good fight, Remus is amazing with Sirius, but powerful and sexy on his own. He rams his shoulder into Dolohov and Harry dives to avoid them.

It happens then, just a second later as he hears Bellatrix's mad, triumphant laugh. He turns and the grin vanishes as Remus, hit by a jet of red light sways backwards and falls through the thin, shadowy veil.

"REMUS!" Sirius charges and so does James as the latter stuns Bellatrix. Sirius doesn't realize but keeps on screaming 'RemusRemusRemus' and running towards the veil but James grabs him and he is shouting in his ear but Sirius refuses to hear it as he keeps calling Remus over and over again.

"…gone. Padfoot. Sirius, he-"

"Remus…Re…Moony." Sirius's knees give out the moment James lets go of him and his wand rolls away as he stares wide-eyed at the archway beyond which only whispers are heard and Remus does not return.

1998  
 _~Live and do or die_  
 _Long ago were days I told...Lord they died_  
 _Kings and queens and guillotines...~_  


Here they are, twenty one years later to be exact, on these grounds, on the grass and below Scottish skies. They are James and Sirius, Padfoot and Prongs. There is Lily. And there is Wormtail. But Hogwarts does not look the same anymore, the war is reshaping it tonight.

Sirius finds it funny how Wormtail has managed to live this long. Even funnier that cruel fate finds it funnier to reunite the remaining Marauders one last time where they began. Sirius clutches the moonstone pendant around his neck. Remus is here, right here, with him.

Sirius knows he is going to die, he has always trusted his canine instincts and for a while now, he knows something is doomed to happen to him. It is alright now, as long as he can take down these bunch of bastards, it will be worth everything. This war has gone on for far too long.

He hears terrible cries as Lily throws herself between Harry and Dolohov's Cruciatus a few feet away. James is already rushing to their rescue but his attention is grabbed by another figure who comes wearing a grin that matches the one Sirius has now. _Merlin_ , how he hated this woman.

"So, here we are, cousin." Bellatrix says lazily, "Back to school, eh?" Sirius barks out a laugh.

"Yeah. Come on, Bella. Let's see what you've got." He taunts like his fifteen-year old self before they begin dueling.

  
_~Now's the time,_   
_we're running at the speed of light_   
_I'll meet you on the other side_   
_Every time I close my eyes.~_   


It hits Sirius square in the chest and he thinks, perhaps he should have tried harder to dodge the attack but by the time he hits the ground, he is ready to run and find his God-damn Moony. No more hide-and-seek.

Sirius opens his eyes and wakes up in a world of white and for a disappointing second thinks he must be in the hospital. But then old man Dumbledore is there to greet him and he is so very confused. But Dumbledore explains in his perplexing words and leaves him standing alone in the tranquil space. He tries sniffing out Moony but suddenly realises that there is no magic in him. He is just a normal human now. He panics but then-

"Padfoot." Sirius's insides flip-flop a little as he counts to ten in case this is just a cruel joke or a dream. "Sirius?" He turns around to see him and it really is Remus, his Remus, his alone. Before he knows it, they are laughing and hugging and crying as they hold on to each other.

"Sirius. Sirius." Remus repeats as his hand roams around his face and Sirius is ecstatic and grinning wide as he takes in Remus's young, handsome features. He could be an angel, he certainly looks like one. And when Sirius says so, Remus laughs shyly at him.

"So, what is this place?" Sirius asks and Remus smiles at him before threading their fingers.

"Forever." He answers and Sirius swallows down the lump of emotions.

"Together?" He asks, pulling himself together.

"I think so." Remus replies, as always and Sirius frowns as his hopes dim down a little.

"You think so? What does that mean, Remus?" But Remus is unfazed by Sirius's rising voice and that gentle smile when he looks up at Sirius is enough.

"Does it matter what I think?" He asks and Sirius drinks it all in, Remus, the house slowly taking shape behind him, the sound of a child's laughter.

It's us. Padfoot and Moony. Sirius smiles genuinely for the first time in years.

"No." He replies and leans down to kiss Remus. "It doesn't."

__

~ _Tonight we can be glorious_  
 _We are young at heart and we're free_  
 _The world is ours.~_  


~The End~

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for this year's RS-games on Livejournal & Dreamwidth! Adam McKaine is an OC.  
> Prompt: 3 - "Summertime Sadness" by Lana Del Rey  
> I've used various quotes and lyrics here hence the credits; Norman Vincent Peale, L&B for the Quotes.  
> Lyrics credits:  
> Running up that hill- Placebo ft. Kate Bush  
> Starlight-Muse  
> E.T & Black horse-Katy Perry  
> Kings and Queens-Aerosmith  
> Space Bound-Eminem  
> Summertime Sadness-Lana Del Rey  
> You & what have you done to us, sweetheart-Keaton Henson  
> Glorious-Cascada.


End file.
